dreams like this…

when some things don’t make sense, i literally invert. it’s the childhood coping mechanism that i revert to when life doesn’t seem to be going “right”. for me, its listening to dreamy music, watching cult girl-movies, clipping through fashion magazines, & reading old journals of past times when i thought that time was harder. Nobody ever prepares you on how to age gracefully & prepare you for the shitty moments that scar your insides. in watching someone go through a tough time, i remember the not-so-nice areas of my life that didn’t make any sense then, but in retrospect understand why they exist in my mind. i think too much. for that reason, i can rationalize crappy moments into a “life experience”, but how come nobody talks about things that just don’t make any sense? the parts where people you love, do & say hurtful things & chuck it up to “childhood” & not take responsibility in adult life now? or the moments where you made a bad career or life decision & really just say “i fucked up” instead of saying it wasn’t the right “path”. when i see someone hurting, i consciouslyΒ try not to say cliche things, that would later make me burst into tears in the privacy of my own pillow or deadly car rides home, years ago. i only hope to provide & say the truest things that i felt & not sugar-coat the part where just plain in simple: it hurts soo bad.Β how come people are afraid to say that sometimes you don’t get over things, & time doesn’t always heal all wounds. it’s the petty side of me, along with the smarter rational me, that also has learned to say this is ok. perhaps it’s the pisces in me that will continue to be a dreamer & lover of all things filled with fantasy.“so even if right now it doesn’t seem like this now. in your own time you’ll dream again & nobody can take that away”

Each shade of blue

Is kept in our eyes
Keep blowing and lighting
Because we own the sky

Secrets from the winds
Burnt stars crying

Soft, soft or cruel
Can’t we change our minds?
We kill what we build
Because we own the sky

Secrets from the winds
Burnt stars crying
So many moons here
Lost wings floating

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